We Shop Therefore We Are

A Tale of a Love Between a Mother And Daughter, A Tragic Loss, and lots and lots of Shoes

We had just come back from a vigorous session at what those of us in LA Know call “Old Century City”…and yes we had just bought what we were wearing

My mother is my best friend. Always has been always will be. We bonded over many things…our humor, our love of family, movies, secret taco yen even though we are healthy eaters, George Clooney, political beliefs…and a deep great love of shopping. She is my shopping Sensei, my Guru…as she is the greatest shopper of all. She began my training at a very early age.

I am told I was a rather Fashionable baby. My shoes matched my onesies. My onesies matched the bows that my mom taped onto my head even before I had hair. I am sure that that is where the training began.

Notice the carefully taped bow, that matched the outfit and the shoes…and my mom’s outfit. I like to think I had some input into that.

There was no ail that shopping could not cure. No broken heart that fabulous boots could not soothe, no interview that was not made better by the right outfit…

Camp Hollywoodland Girls Camp. Or as I remember it “a little slice of hell.” It was a sporty camp…I am not sporty. I spent a large part of that week with dodgeballs being aimed at my head, tethered to a tetherball pole, or hiding in the bathroom stall writing in my diary. My diary that my mom and I had bought in the pre-camp shopping spree where we also bought an outfit for every day of the camp. Which by the way, mattered very little to the “Sporty” gals at this camp…Who I am pretty sure all grew up to be P.E. teachers. Very “Sporty” ones.

Anyway, it was during one of these covert bathroom stall weepy diary writing sessions where I happened upon an envelope from my mom, that contained a crisp 10.00 bill and a note that said…

Hey it said in the camp literature they have a canteen…thought you might need a little shopping trip!

How did she know? Yes I did need a shopping trip! I marched down to that Canteen and I bought tons of bribery bootie (10.00 went pretty far in a camp canteen back then). When all the sporty girls came back into the cabin and happened upon me sitting on my bunk filled with Good & Plenty’s, and Chick O’ Stix, and Now and Later’s and the coveted Bubble Yum. I suddenly became the most popular girl at camp. It helps to be the one with the most Candy!

Look how fashionable my pants were…mom and Grandma styling too.

The shopping trip cured what ailed me…Thanks Mom

Middle School was hell. I had skipped a few grades so I was younger than everybody…and i have never been a tall gal so there was that heads shorter than everybody thing …so while they were all going through puberty and dating and becoming teenagers…I was secretly packing my paper dolls in my backpack. That did not lead to popularity. I did a lot of faking sick to go to the nurse’s office where they called my mom. She would sweep in all fashionably dressed and smelling of great perfume, put her hand on my head and with great concern determine that I must go home. I kept up the sick act (I was after all already an actress) and she kept up the deep concern until we got in to car where we would dissolve into giggles and she would turn to me and say “Century City or Town and Country?” (our two malls)…it was our little secret and it was a grand one indeed!

It was on those Middle School playing Hooky shopping trips where mom and I researched fashion and slowly turned me from little nerdette to fashionista. By the time High School happened I was styling!

Shopping cured all that ailed me…thanks mom

Okay not so stylish now. But this whole outfit was from Judy’s in Century City and I had been on the stewardess diet for three weeks to fit into it. I think it fit me once.

Not gonna lie I have some pretty poopie taste in men and there were some killer broken hearts. You can bet that with every tear I shed over a momentarily broken heart, there was a moment when my mom swooped in and pulled me out of my funk and into Neiman Marcus or Saks or Bullocks Wilshire and we first did the inhale of the cosmetics department when we walked in. My mom had her person in every store who yelled “Lois Lois Lois,” I have something you would love…and soon we were swooped into the magical world of perfume and lingerie and beautiful clothes.

I would soon get what my mom felt was the cure for everything…or as she called it “A new look.” It would come from within…and by within I mean a pretty new bra!

Okay I never had this one…but if my mom thought it called for it there would be one in every color in my shopping bag!

Then there would be new clothes…shoes…and we would finish up at the makeup counter, where she decided I definitely needed a new scent. We would shpritz and shpritz until the perfect scent came along and then of course we had to have all the things that came along with it…bath oil, body cream, hand lotion….because of course my scents must be layered!

She was right because with my new bra, and makeup and pretty scents I always did start to feel better.

Shopping cured all that ailed me…thanks mom

Then one day on one of our shopping trips I couldn’t find her. After much panicked searching and texting to no avail I heard an announcement over the loudspeaker. She had gotten lost in Nordstrom and a kind stranger had taken her to the office. That is where I found her charming everybody as if nothing had happened. Everybody loved my mom. She brushed it off and told me everything was fine…it was not fine. Something was wrong. My mother would NEVER get lost in Nordstrom…She could blaze through there blindfolded.

After that memory issues became obvious not only to me…but to my brother…and other family members. We started getting calls…and so I called my mother’s doctor. I felt horrible doing so behind her back, but something was terribly,terribly wrong…more wrong than we could even imagine.

My heart dropped when we got the double diagnosis.

Everything moved fast after that. She was immediately hospitalized and we had to learn all kinds of languages involving chemo and memory loss. There were caretakers in our life, and doctors, and experts and it was all too much for my mom…and I saw her slipping so I did what she taught me to do…I took her shopping.

When her hair started falling out she and I went online and researched the best wig shops! We had a grand hysterical adventure trying on wigs and laughing. The wig store became one of her go to favorite trips. She maybe had more wigs than a gal should have…but hey it was medicinal!

This was the wig from the first shopping trip! so glam1. Oh there were more!

Chemo was the worst. She hated it so much. I don’t blame her! I would worry about someone who loved it! She would get really angry whenever we started driving up to the Cancer Center…so of course I had to think fast.

Me: Mom I brought my laptop. we can go shopping!

Mom: Hmm I do need some new leggings. And boots. Can you buy boots online?

Me: Of course. You can get whatever you like!

Mom: Okay just this once. I will go today. Just for the shopping!

My mother had no trouble letting us know her feelings about chemo!…but FYI we also got her nails done the day before…EVERY WEEK!

All the chemo nurses learned of our shopping and soon they started popping their heads in and giving their opinions…and that turned into everybody waiting to see what my mother wore to chemo the next week! She was the supermodel of the infusion room! By my calculations we bought 32 pairs of leggings, 40 shirts, numerous bras (her fave), lots a crazy boots, a new mattress, and of course presents…she loved to buy presents! (My brother would come every week with her snack of choice…a chocolate bar and diet coke…but that is for another story)

Shopping cured all that ailed me…thanks mom

Only it didn’t. Alzheimer’s sucks. I will spare you the details as I prefer everybody to remember the glamorous, funny, loving, and kind Lois. This is the memory I will choose in the end. But it got rough. Then the Cancer returned…with a vengeance. We tried one last ditch effort…there was a procedure…She didn’t want to go…so she insisted we shop before we go. She knew when she got back she would want something comfortable but new and pretty. So before we went, I sat with her and we picked out 5 new outfits…

We got back from the procedure and things went south fast. She was in pain and hospice came in and started taking over…The grief for us was unbearable…she slipped into a coma..but I insisted on one last thing that I knew would make my mother happy. I promised her. I insisted that every morning they put her in the new outfits. The hospice nurses thought I was crazy but they did it.

There were 5 new outfits…She lasted 5 days. But she looked beautiful the whole time.

I would like to say that this time shopping cured what ailed me. But it did not for the first time it did not. But I have to say that now…a few months later…in the middle of the night when the darkness rolls in and I am missing my mother with a pain that is hard to even describe…not gonna lie…I open up my computer and I shop a little. As my mother would want me to.

I miss my mommy. F**k cancer

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