Perseid Meteor Shower and Me

A Love Story Between a woman, Her Neuroses, and A Meteor Shower.

4:00 a.m. -I remembered that I had promised myself that I would for once not miss an epic sky experience so as per the internet Perseid Meteor Viewing directions instructions I went out to my backyard to sit and wait for the magical experience.

4:03 a.m-I saw nothing so I looked up info on Internet as I clearly was not doing it right and learned I am supposed to sit in total darkness with my head all the way back and facing northeast

4:07 a.m -I learned that leaning my head all the way back facing Northeast makes me nauseous and a little dizzy so I had to lean forward and put my head between my legs

I made myself thin and flexible in the photo. These are the thighs I have in my imagination. They are very toned

4:09 a.m. -While in the head between the legs position I noticed that I had a hole in the crotch of my pants and thought thank god I only interact with folks on zoom these days as I would hate for someone to I know to have experienced “Surpise Marcie Vagina,” then I wondered if there ever was a stripper named Surprise Vagina…and then I started to shimmy a little…you know just to see how it would feel to be her.

Now if he dropped his his clothes and there were Lady Parts there that would be a Vagina Surprise. Did I just ruin hot guy stripper for you? Spoiler alert…there is no Vagina Surprise.

4:11 a.m. -I felt recuperated enough to assume the head cocked back Northeast position again…there were stars but they weren’t moving…so they couldn’t be meteors…but it was pretty out and my dog was cuddled at my feet…or I thought she was until I looked up and realized my dogs were all standing in the doorway staring out at me like I was an asshole…so I don’t know what that furry thing was on my feet but I screamed and it scurried off…and I spent the next 10 minutes examining my feet with my iPhone light to see if it had bitten me and even though it hadn’t I still put some time in on Web MD to see how soon the symptoms of Rabies started presenting.

I realize this is not a Rat…but for a few moments this is how I saw him. Not only am I thin in my fantasies but I am also a little overly dramatic.

and in my fantisies I might be a tad unrealistic

4:25 a.m. -I Assumed my head cocked back Northeast facing position…and this time I thought I saw the stars moving…but then I thought they might also be floaters…you know those weird things you get in your eyes every once in awhile and they are supposed to be nothing…but whenever I get them I think I am going blind…

4:30 a.m. -Still no meteor shower but there is this large blinky light thing in the sky and it seems to be moving toward me…wait let me grab my camera so I can be cool and post meteor shower photos on Facebook.

4:45 a.m -I wake up face down on my patio furniture with a fuzzy memory of some little green man named Glickity Glook Meep Meep with a killer smile and an anal probe waving to me as he walked back on his spaceship with my DNA samples in hand yelling out to me “I’ll call you Babe”

So I guess the question is does Glickity Glook Meep Meep look kind of humany to you? Or am I just justifying a bad dating decision…AGAIN!

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