It took a Toothache to Make Me Realize I was in the Wrong Relationship
A couple of months ago I was in the middle of teaching an acting class and out of nowhere one of my crowns came flying out of my mouth. Not just any crown but my very front tooth. Now Pre pandamic this would have been an immediate emergency…But being that I teach with a mask on…I could temporarily hide the fact that immediately upon having the crown fall out I imagined that I now looked like this…
Immediately after class I went to the dentist whereupon examining my tooth situation informed me that not only could she not glue the crown back in but the tooth needed to be pulled…and not only that tooth but all 4 of my front teeth. Wait What????? Well the story is… that back in college I had had my 4 front teeth crowned and long story short crowns do not last forever. I know this because my dentist actually said to me…Well we all get to certain age where things just start wearing out.
So now not only was I feeling like Toothless Bessie…but now I was feeling like old toothless Bessie! Well I basically ran out of there screaming. Okay I am over dramatizing. Actually I am not. First I wept profusely and then I ran out of there screaming. The first thing did when I got into the car was call my boyfriend (well technically ex boyfriend now) and share the news…looking for comfort but instead…he said. “Oh maybe I should postpone my trip to come out and see you until you’re all healed. I know you wouldn’t want me to see you this way”.
LET ME DIGRESS HERE
So my boyfriend (well my ex boyfriend now) is a fabulous human being. I say that in the present tense because A) We are the best of friends B) He was, is and always will be a wonderful human being and C) He has read this article and approved it before I posted it and he also suggested I put in that he is handsome and always has good breath. He is handsome (he is British so I am 50–50 on the breath statement). He also would like everybody to know he has an impressive Shmeckel (again he may or may not have added this in after I wrote the piece…but in this case…he is correct).
We had been together on an off for a good number of years. We met in Los Angeles where I live. Our first go round was when we were much younger, had had much fewer life lessons learned, and it was just new and passionate and exciting. (He would like me to remind you again that he has a legendary Shlong…He may be getting carried away at this point). But one day he informed me that he was moving back to London. He made a case for me to come with but at the time I was working on a TV series…had plans to open a business (we know where that went)
So we broke up and both moved on to other relationships. But we always remained great friends. Then my beautiful amazing mother got sick…really sick…and he was there for me. He flew in to Los Angeles for her chemo and took both of us out to dinner. He wined me and dined me. He is handsome and funny and charming (and quite well endowed…also at this point you all know I did not write that part…though he is not wrong). He brought glamour and excitement into my life during a time that was very dark…and so we got back together. He was in London when my Mother died and could not come out to be with me (he hates funerals) but he sent me flowers and gifts and we had funny phone calls. I was glad to have him.
Then just a few months later…Covid hit. Remember that fun time. I think we all carry a bit of PTSD from lockdown. (PTSD and maybe some extra Tushie luggage.) He was in London and I was in Los Angeles…but nobody was seeing each other so it worked. We had romantic dates over Zoom and Facetime. Every date was special…I spent tons of time getting ready to look my best for him. He is very handsome, and worldly and dashing and I always did feel the pressure to do so. Maybe sometimes I went a little too far.
Then the world opened up and he started flying to Los Angeles every few months for a week and we would spend that time going out and whooping it up. He does fancy really well. But then he would leave and there was always this lump in my throat. I was leading two lives. I justified it by saying I was so busy and we had the perfect relationship…blahblahblah. I was fine… I have great friends, I have a wonderful family, and I truly am always busy with work. It was all good…But then my tooth popped out.
Let’s go back to the point where he said “Oh maybe I should postpone my trip to come out and see you until you’re all healed. I know you wouldn’t want me to see you this way”. This is when I started to realize I was in the wrong relationship. Because…yes I very much wanted to see him. Or see the person who I was in a relationship with. I ended up having to go through a series of painful procedures. NOT FUN!
I wanted someone who wanted to not care that I had to spend a little time at home icing my face and eating soup. I wanted someone to come over in his pajamas and watch silly moves with me. I wanted someone to bring me soup. I wanted to be allowed to go through what I was going through and not feel the need to put on a full makeup application and somehow figure out a way to cover my mouth. I wanted to do puzzles and watch basketball and play with dogs and play poker. I wanted to wear sneakers…not stilletos. I didn’t want Champagne and Caviar. I wanted Whiskey and pizza.
“Oh maybe I should postpone my trip to come out and see you until you’re all healed. I know you wouldn’t want me to see you this way”. No this was not okay…it was not okay for me.
Maybe my toothache and subsequent icky surgeries healed more than my tooth. Maybe they healed the part of me that had spent years in half a relationship because losing my mom had been so painful that I did not fully want to give my heart to anyone. I just wanted to have a half a relationship because nobody gets hurt. And so I realized that in order to have what I wanted..I had to let go of my safety net…In doing so I had to make a phone call to the most lovely man and have a difficult converstion with him…
Only it wasn’t difficult…because I mentioned before. He is a wonderful man (with a Thorlike shlong…again I may or may not have written the Thor reference…but sure we’ll go with it.) When I started to have the conversation with him he just cut me off and said…
“I KNOW.” (also he would like to address the heinous rumors about his English dentistry…and let you all know his breath is minty fresh at all times). He knew. We both knew this wasn’t forever. We were good for each other in a time in our lives…but in the big picture we were not good for each other. We both knew.
So here I am. No safety net. I am just going to take a breath. Because after I made the big move to remove my safety net…it hit me that at some point I may or may not have to go on dates with people who may or may not call me…and if they do…they may not be as excited about my middle aged carbohydrate/pandemic related “softness.” Or maybe they will. I am in no hurry. Have made no move in that direction…Right now I am happy with my great friends, and awesome family, work that fulfills me and ridiculously adorable dogs.
My ex boyfriend is a wonderful man and as he has told all of you with his notes he added to this story before it was published he is quite gifted! And for me…one of the bright sides to all of this is that after all the painful dental nightmares…I am now done and I now have a new movie star smile!
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